Simple Tips For Throwing a Bluth Family Party
“This party is gonna be off the hook!”
One big thing every Arrested Development fan is taking into consideration this week is how exactly they’re going to go about watching Season 4 when it is released on May 26th. Are you going to watch them all at once? Week by week? Are you going to start at midnight (Pacific time) and go through the night? Are you going to wait until the next day and watch after a Christmas Eve-like night of sleep? Are you going to watch the new episodes by yourself or with friends? Which friends? What if someone wants to watch but they’re never seen the show before? What if they’re only seen it once and not fifteen times like you?
Of course, these are all valid considerations and important to think about before Saturday night; but if you spend all your time on this, you won’t have any time to prepare for the actual viewing party. Well, don’t sweat it because we have that covered. It’s been said that “You Can’t Have a Party Without ICE,” but I’m here to tell you that that’s simply untrue. You probably don’t have chafing dishes anyway. Here are some quick and dirty tips you can use to make your Arrested Development viewing party a true Bluth family affair:
“I can just taste those meaty, leading man parts in my mouth.”
Setting aside the hilarious joke foods like hot ham water and mayoneggs, there are plenty of easy food options for a Bluth family party. For snacks, you could have bridge mix, ice cream sandwiches, Pop Secret, or a whole thing ofcandy beans. For main courses, anything with club sauce will do, or if you have a bone, broth, and potato, you could throw them all in a pot and baby, you got a stew goin’! Of course, if all of this seems overwhelming to you, just grab some Burger King—it’s a wonderful restaurant.
“Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.”
No party is a Bluth party without some alcohol. Make a quick trip to the liquor store (it’s Memorial Day Weekend, so you’re probably going anyway), and pick up some Wells Banana Bread Beer or any number of chocolate stouts. Or kill two birds with one stone and buy Tröegs DreamWeaver Wheat, which although spiced with bananas, actually tastes, to some, like ham—a sort of “cold ham water,” if you will. If you’re not into beer, grab some 99 Bananas or banana daiquiri mix. But whatever you do, don’t forget juice… unlimited juice.
And if all else fails, just have vodka and toast.
“Take a look at banner, Michael!”
Dead Dove. This is where you can get the most bang for your buck. Do you have a brown paper bag? Close it up, write “DEAD DOVE Do Not Eat!” on an index card, stick it to the front of the bag, and throw it in the fridge. Whenever someone goes to the fridge they’ll get a laugh. If they open it and say, “Hey, there’s no dead dove in here! I was expecting a dead dove like in the show,” then you can tell them, “Of course there’s not, you horse’s ass. It’s a joke. I’m not putting a dead bird in my fridge!”
Banner. With five to ten sheets of paper and some Scotch tape, you can make a banner to hang over your television. And it doesn’t matter if it looks crappy because it’s suppose to look crappy. Don’t know what to write on it? Here’s some inspiration. Or go for something original. Maybe it can say, “Arrested Development – Season 4 – 2006!” Except cross out the “06” and change it to “13.”
Speech! This one’s a freebie. Right before you start your screening, start chanting “Speech! Speech! Speech!” If your friends don’t join in, then they’re not your friends and you should go watch the show somewhere else.
Always Leave a Note. Leave some notes around the house or on the refrigerator door. They should have friendly reminders written on them, like “You want your belt to buckle, not your chair,” or “Thou shalt protect thy father, and honor no one above him, unless it be-eth me, thy sweet Lord.”
What other quick tips do you have? Did we miss any big ones? Are you wearing costumes? Blueing yourself? Let’s talk in the comments section.