Nursery Rhymes, Twisted

 

TWINKLE TWINKLE

Twinkle twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are.
But If I had to guess...
A luminous sphere of plasma held together by its own gravity?

 

 

HUMPTY DUMPTY

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall—
Which he really needed because
Humpty Dumpty had a really rough summer.

 

 

FUZZY WUZZY

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear,  
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,
But Fuzzy Wuzzy didn’t care
He was just trying to beat the cancer.

 

 

I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT

I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
Here is my handle, here is my spout.
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout,
“Help! Police! Murder!” 

 

 

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Mary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb.
Mary had a little lamb,
With a side of rice.

 

 

FIVE LITTLE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.

Mama called the Doctor and the Doctor said,
“Non-human primates are strictly prohibited
From leaving the testing facilities!
The data for countless experiments is tainted
And the board of bioethics will kill us for this!"

"Well, won't that be ironic," said Mama.